Circling the Crow
by Petersgirl2011
Summary: What if Tara never thought about leaving Charming? Would Season 5 have ended differently? OH I SO THINK IT WOULD HAVE! At least it will when I'm done with it. Look through Tara's eyes at the chaos and mayhem. See what it really takes to be the queen and stand by Jackson.
1. Chapter 1

************I do not own any of the characters; they belong to who they belong to. No copy right intended. This story is rated mature. It contains profanity, violence and adult situations.**********

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**CHAPTER 1**

**TARAS POV**

Sitting in my babies room feeding Thomas while I watched Abel sleeping. I can't help but feeling like I am betraying them by staying here in Charming to some degree.

I'm in the position of a mother and wife. I would hurt someone with any decision that I make. Sometimes it's myself I'm betraying, hurting and lying to.

Am I cheating them out of a normal childhood by living here? Most children growing up never know what the words chaos and mayhem even mean. But I know my boys are destined too. No mater how much I try to protect them from it. I can't as long as Jaxs remains a part of the club and we stay here.

I'm always being told that a good old lady is strong at all times and never let's nothing bother her. But I disagree with that. You have to be somewhat weak to learn to live this kind of life. You have to be torn down and rebuilt to become accustom to what they do in the club and the way they live.

That's the place I'm at today. I've been rebuilt in my way of think about what's right and wrong. Changing my beliefs in almost everything to stay beside the man I love. Going against what I was taught and how I was brought up to keep my family together.

He is so strong and truly nothing scares him. It isn't very often he shows even me his weak side. The promise he has made me was with time he would make things right in the club and get out. We would move on and have a normal life.

No murdering or worrying about who would come after the boys because the club pissed them off. Or worse they have a personal score to settle with Jaxs. I've witnessed some of the cruel and harsh punishments that the families have suffered because their loved ones was a part of the club.

I love Jackson Teller more than I did all those years ago. I never stopped loving him. I just couldn't see myself living this life. But now that he is my husband, I can't see living life without him. He gives me my strength to be what I have to be to stand by his side.

Getting the boys ready to leave so I wouldn't be late for work. I went and woke up Jaxs. So he could get ready too. Gemma called and asked me if I had time to swing by the office to talk to her. I told her I would after I got the boys situated for the day.

I dropped the boys off at daycare and checked my messages at the hospital. Just like I start off any other normal day.

But when I got to the garage it was anything but what I would consider normal behavior. There was a group of girls dressed in hardly nothing and I mean nothing. I just ignored them as I walked by. These are grown women that act like they are still in high school. I pity women that have to do things to just get attention drawn to themselves. They hang out around here hoping one of the MC will sleep with them.

Gemma has been helter skelter ever since Clay left. I've listened to her cry all night. Then she would be so drunk other times that I could barely make out what she was actually saying to me. I think today was one of those days she could still go either way.

Jaxs has no patience or compassion for his mother now. He doesn't understand why I would put anytime into trying to hold her together. She has been written off as a lost cause to him. But she is still the grand mother to my children and I'm going to be there for her as much as I can be.

I heard their bikes coming and we went out to meet them. Only Jaxs was met by someone other than me. I don't know who this little bitch thought she was but she was getting on my shit list and fast.

"Are you good with her rubbing up on your man?" I tried to blow it off and pretend like it didn't bother me. But it did because I didn't see him pushing her away.

"You know if you put her in line the rest will follow. The crow eaters circle our men like they are a fresh kill. They are not anything but pussy to the guys but, yet they never quit trying to take them away from us."

What Gemma was saying was very true. They can't do anything without the group of them to protect each other. Can't ever seem to leave alone what is someone else. They have to take what's yours to make themselves feel better. Like they are somebody and have to be made to feel like they are something special.

I decided today was the day. Walking out to Jaxs bike but, the girl just stood there when she saw me. She was flirting with Jaxs right in my face. I know Gemma would never put up with that kind of shit and neither will I.

Pushing her out the way to get to Jaxs "Hi baby." I gave him a long slow kiss.

Taking his helmet out of his hands. Turning around I bashed her in the face with it as hard as I could "Stay away from my man." She was holding her face and I hope the damage that I did to her will be a reminder of don't fuck with my man.

The rest of them all joined in of course. Like the low lives that they are. Gemma was standing beside me "Tara might only have one good hand. But I have two to beat your asses with." They knew she meant it too. You always see them backing down when you push back. Like the true cowards they are. Because if they were really a bad ass they would fight back and never stand to be treated that way.

They did the best thing they could do and fucking left. Talking shit as they walked away "If you want anymore just come around my man again. That's mild compared to what I will do to you next time." That wasn't a threat coming from me either. It was a promise to them.

I tossed Jaxs his helmet back and went back in the office with Gemma. Fuming more with each step I took. I heard Bobby "Whoa. Momma has spoken." They were all laughing and making jokes about it but I was pretty damn serious. Seriously pissed and seriously not taking anymore shit.

Jaxs came in wiping that girl's blood off his helmet. I didn't care that I had made her bleed either "Mom can you give us a minute?"

"What was that all about? That's not like you Tara? You know they don't mean shit to me. I never touch any of them cause I love my wife. I have you and I don't need anything else on the side." What I did even shocked me a little bit too. Violence has never been my way or a part of my life other than when I'm with Jaxs. I felt like I was pushed into a corner and had to fight my way out. That's the feeling I get for almost everything that I do with Jaxs and the club.

"You're always telling me that you can't be half in and half out of the club because it will get you killed. You have to be all in. I can't be half an old lady just sometimes. Then be this sweet caring person that they run over the rest of the time Jaxs. I'm still trying to figure out who I am when I'm with you. Without losing who I was to begin with." Taking me in his arms and holding me always has that calming effect on me. There have been many times that I wanted to run away from this life. But, that little bit of reassurance that he shows me always suck me right back in.

"I promised that if you stayed with me that we would find where you fit into all of this. We will find that together cause I love you." We never get much time alone or time that isn't uninterrupted by someone. I couldn't be alone for more than five minutes with him here before somebody needed him. It's gotten to be the same way at home too.

Juice came in telling Jaxs it was time for them to go somewhere. As I was walking to the car Jaxs yelled to me "Hey Rocky."

That did make me smile a little bit. I turned around to see what he wanted "Behave and no more beating on little girls today."

Mumbling under my breath "She started it."

Before I even made it back to the hospital I was rear ended by a car at a stop light. This started off bad and I have the feeling the rest of it will be the same way too, bad. Getting out to look at the damage they did to my vehicle. It was a lady probably in her thirties. She was ranting on about how I stopped in front of her. How it was all my fault that she hit me while I was sitting completely still.

I wasn't going to listen to her bullshit and went to get my phone to call the police. The sooner an accident report was filed the quicker I would get away from her.

"Hey bitch. You are not going to get into your vehicle and drive away on me. I'll kick the shit out of you for payment of the damage that you did to my car." She grabbed me by my hair and banged my head off the car door several times.

I should tell you that this is where my story really begins. The day I snapped and knew what the term being an old lady really meant. Becoming one of them and walking it beside my old man with pride. Doing whatever the fuck I had to do to protect my family, Jaxs and the MC.

I was all in and there was no going back for me now.

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**I hope you enjoyed reading me! Chapter 2 will be out soon...**

**Ricochet Of Love will be updated in a day or two I am almost done with the next chapter.**

**Thank you to those that review, mark this story as your favorite or alert! **


	2. Chapter 2

************I do not own any of the characters; they belong to who they belong to. No copy right intended. This story is rated mature. It contains profanity, violence and adult situations.**********

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**A SPECIAL THANK YOU: To OTB for making the wonderful banner for this story. If you click on the picture you can see it better. xoxoxo PG**

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**CHAPTER 2**

**TARAS POV**

Going through the booking process after being arrested. This was my first time for that. I've experienced a lot of first times today for many things. I was charged with assault. When that woman attacked me I lost it. I'm having trouble with keeping that part of me in check lately. Living in violence is not how things were suppose to be.

Sitting here waiting to find out what they would do to me next. I thought long and hard about what I had done to her. No she should have never put her hands on me but, I should have not smashed her face into the door either. I might add that I smashed her face several more times than she did mine.

Chief Roosevelt came to stop them from doing anything further with me and I was relieved for that "Mrs. Teller the charges are being dropped against you. I spoke with Ms. Whyler and explained to her that it would be a futile point to continue this because you would counter charge her with assault as well. If you would see the deputy in the front before you leave to finish the accident report."

"So I'm free to go?" Which completely amazed me. That I would be let off so easily after what I did.

"Yes you are after you complete the report. I called Jaxs he should be here anytime." Fuck I was going to call Gemma or Margret to bail me out. I didn't plan on telling him about it right now. Not only does he have a full plate with dealing with club business but, I was ashamed for my actions.

The deputy had typed up the report and I gave him my insurance information "Just a moment I will take a copy of your card then you will be on your way." He was very nice to me and polite.

Not a lot of people are nice in this town because of my association with Jaxs. They never say anything because they fear what the repercussions would be for speaking out. You can always tell by the way they look at you with disgust on their faces. The quiet whispers when your leaving a room. Or my favorite when they are sickening sweet to your face. They can't wait for you to leave so they can talk about what they think they know that goes on in the MC.

Trust me when I say most of them have no clue as to what really goes on in the club. But I do. That has been the one of the hardest problems for me, getting past it. Knowing the truth and living in it is two different things. The more I know the more I have to worry about.

Knowing your husband is a killer and does it like it is as normal as getting up and going to work every day. You watch that same man holding his children and being a normal father at other times. Laying beside him at night letting him hold you as a lover and as a husband should. You just pray that he doesn't ever want to do the sick and twisted things that you know he is capable of doing to you one day.

I was brought out of my thoughts when I heard Jaxs "I'm starting to think I can't let you go anywhere without me." He had a smile on his face and was joking. But I wasn't in the mood for it.

Nothing about today was typical in anyway for me. I'm finding more and more the saying that you take on some of the traits of the one you love is true. I'm still waiting for Jaxs to pick up some of mine. Maybe I'm waiting for nothing and that day will never come.

Jaxs was talking to the Chief and after the deputy was finished with me I went over to where they were. They immediately stopped talking. That is nothing new either. I come into many conversations that I'm never suppose to hear or know about "I'll talk to you later. I'm gonna take Tara home now."

My vehicle had already been taken back to the garage by a Prospect. Jaxs said there was some damage done but nothing they couldn't fix. We would ride on his bike. Not my favorite thing to do but I still do it.

I didn't feel like going into work now "Do you want to have lunch with me or maybe we could just go see a movie or something? We have time before we have to pick up the boys from daycare." I needed that connection with him right now. Just to be Jaxs and Tara.

"I can't babe. I've got club business that I've gotta do this afternoon. Don't forget tonight is the grand opening of the Lodge for Nero. I've gotta be there for it. It'll be really late when I get home." I know exactly what goes on when they have those so called grand openings and so called patch over parties. Every whore in town shows up and they all take a sample of what ever pussy they want.

I've really tried to over look it and not even think about it when he goes to these things. But sometimes I wonder if he's faithful like he says he is "Okay. I think I'm going to go home and lay down before I have to get the boys. I'm not feeling to good anyways."

Running his fingers over the knot on my head that I still had "Is your head feeling okay? I'll see you tonight and we'll do something later. I would now if I could go." He gave me a kiss and I know I'm just being silly and suspicious even thinking he would cheat again. He knows if I find out that he's ever with trash again, I'm gone. He will loose his family.

"Sure I understand." I really didn't though. Since we got married he spends more time at the clubhouse and with the guys than he does his family. I try to be supportive of that and not be selfish with his time. But it would be nice to spend time with my husband. As husbands and wives are meant to.

Most nights I have already put the kids to bed and I'm asleep when he comes in. When we try to do anything as a family it always changes and he has to go. Or someone needs him more than we do and he leaves in the middle of it. I've tried to talk to him about it. He always tells me it will calm down but it never does.

Home was so quiet without anyone else being here too. I took some asprins for my headache and was going to try to sleep. I laid down trying to get my mind to stop racing around in circles but I couldn't.

Searching the frig for food but nothing appealed to me. Throwing a load of laundry in to kill time. Cleaning the kitchen until it was spotless. Nothing I did stopped my mind from going places that it shouldn't go.

There really wasn't anybody I could talk to other than Gemma. She has a shit load of her own problems. Most of the time the violence is started by her or over her. Talking to her would be a lost cause I guess. So I called the only person I knew that would understand where I was coming from. Even though she and I are nothing a like we both have been old ladies in the club.

I was down to a couple of hours until I had to pick up the boys anyways. Driving out to the Lodge to meet Lyla. The inside was decorated very nice considering it was nothing but a brothel. A brothel that my husband would be at soon.

She was surprised that I wanted to see her. I know I should have kept contact with her after Opie died but we really have nothing in common "Um..Tara don't take this the wrong way but why are you here? Not that I want to be rude or anything but I have to get ready for the opening."

I didn't even know where to start telling her why I was here "I just wanted to check on you and see how you were doing that's all." Telling her that I would leave so she could get ready and we would do lunch sometime. I even rolled my own eyes at that one. Do lunch sometimes is a way of basically brushing someone off. I couldn't bring myself to open up to her. I couldn't get all the words to form that I was really feeling. Maybe I never will.

Driving around and thinking about life. What it was going to hold for my family in the long run. I went and picked up the boys. They are always happy to see me. They are what is good and pure in my life still. Sometimes I think that they are the only thing left in my life that is real and true.

We stopped and ate dinner on the way home since Jaxs wouldn't be there anyways. We haven't ate together in over a month after I stopped and thought about it. Abel always gets so excited about pressed pieces of chicken in a cardboard box. Go figure. But I love seeing my boys be happy. All of them, including my biggest baby, Jaxs.

Flipping through the channels and finding nothing to watch. Someone was knocking on the door. I never know who might be here to hurts us and I'm not comfortable having the gun that Jaxs left me. I peaked out and it was Gemma.

She wanted to spend time with kids "The boys are already asleep."

"That's okay I will see them later. If you wanna go to the Lodge opening I will stay with them." I didn't understand why she would even think I would want to go to that. She told me Clay always asked her if she wanted to go and most of the time she didn't. But Jaxs never asked if I wanted to.

"It's really not my thing anyways. Probably nothing that goes on there would be an interest to me."

"Really. Do you remember the Cara Cara opening? How interesting that one was?" Well of course I remember. That is when that porn skank Ima was chasing after Jaxs. Which she eventually caught him too. I try to never think about that morning I walked in on them after he fucked her.

But today was one of those days that those old feeling and scars were coming to the surface no matter how deep I tried to keep them buried. It's hard trying to have a normal relationship with a man. But try having one with someone that lives a secret life and keeps you on the outside of it as much as he can. He hides so many things from me to protect me he says. But what does he hide that would hurt me if I knew?

"You know what, I think I will go." Searching through my closet until I found something even remotely close to fitting for the occasion.

After I put on the shortest black skirt I owned and a red shirt I still looked nothing like those girls would. I curled my hair and did my makeup. Looking down at my cast it didn't go with the outfit but there was noting I could do about that. It's removable but I know I should always have it on unless I take a shower.

Driving there I was thinking how ridiculous I was being about this whole thing. What would I say is the reason I came? Would Jaxs be mad that I just showed up? But if there was nothing he had to hide from me it shouldn't be a big deal. I am his goddamn wife after all.

Going inside it was wall to wall whores everywhere. Seeing some of the guys from the club. Some of them had two women all ready. Even the ones that shouldn't be doing anything. While their old ladies were still at home watching their children.

I looked around for Jaxs but never found him. I turned around and there was a guy in my face "Hi there baby. Would you like to have a drink with me?"

I wasn't sure if I should be flattered or insulted that he thought I worked here "Um...no I'm just looking for my husband."

He pushed his body into mine and I was up against the wall before I knew it. He whispered in my ear "I'll be whoever you want me to be tonight."

I was pushing him away from me as hard as I could. But Jaxs took care of that for me "Get the fuck away from her before I kill you." I knew Jaxs meant what he said too.

The guy looked at his cut and wasn't even about to challenge him. Lyla was there to stop trouble from happening "Come on honey. I'll show you a real good time." I'm sure she will too.

Jaxs literally threw me over his shoulder and carried me out of there. I knew the fight was coming when we got outside. I was about to get the same speech I always do; it's just business Tara.

When he sat me down on the ground I was going to get my say first "Before you get mad Jaxs I was just..." But I didn't get a speech. His lips were on mine and he was showing me more passion in this kiss than I've felt from him in so long.

Getting on his bike "Come on get on."

Looking down at my skirt and giving him that look of no way "What you can be a bad ass during the day but afraid of showing a little ass at night with me?"

We were flying down the highway and I had no idea where we were going. He came up to this lake and parked his bike. I stood there not sure of what he was doing.

He was taking his clothes off and gave me that cocky little smile of his that melts me every time. Then he jumped in "Come on the water feels really good."

"What the hell." I undressed and followed him in. I'll have to change my hand dressing when I get home but I didn't care right now.

The moonlight was shinning on the water and it did feel really good. We swam and splashed around like kids. This felt like when we were teenagers again sneaking off from everyone to make love. He was holding on to me so tight in the water "You're the only one for me Tara. You always have been."

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**I hope you enjoyed reading me! I will warn you that the next chapter will have violence in it. And a little steamy Jackson and Tara sex. I don't want to offend anyone.**

**I wrote this for you Darlin. Let me know if you think I got her right. I will be waiting to read your first chapter. xoxoxox PG**

**I want to give thanks for all the love I was sent on this story. The PMs I got were totally awesome and if I have not answered yours yet I will. It was really a nice thing to wake up to...it made me feel really good for all the author favorites and alerts too. Sending you back my love.**

**Thank you to those that review, mark this story as your favorite or alert! **


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